When orphans worship.

When orphans worship, their voices are loud, their eyes are closed tightly, and their little hands are gripped together. Your jaw will drop as you watch them physically enter into the presence of a king.

When orphans worship, their voices ache to express their hearts. Their songs are ones of desperation and admiration to a creator who they know holds them in his palm.

When orphans worship, your eyes fill with tears as you feel God all around you. Physically, you are overcome and spiritually you are one with your Lord.

When orphans worship, their last care in the world is what you, I, or their friend thinks of them. They sing loud, undignified, and with passion.

When orphans worship, you begin to wonder if this is what it is supposed to be like for us. You begin to wonder why God's presence is so strong there, but we struggle to enter into any meaningful worship in our clean, well lit, and finely carpeted buildings.

When orphans worship, you are easily convinced that there is nothing else on their minds. Their deep expressions can tell you a thousand stories about the throne room.

When orphans worship, their instruments are their voices and the clap of their hands, but you'd probably swear you also could hear percussion, guitars, and booming pianos.

When orphans worship, they appear as though they have learned something we haven't. While you and I find it so hard to believe that we have a God who loves and desires us, they take no interest in such foolishness.

Copied from Wrecked for the Ordinary.

poverty.

Last night Southside had the privilege of worshipping with the residents of Sunset Terrace. Sunset Terrace is a government housing complex here in Brownwood. Southside has pretty close ties with them. There is a ministry that makes sack lunches on Saturdays for the residents because most of the kids who live there are on the free lunch program at school and don't get those lunches on Saturdays. Every single Saturday the doers ministry is at the church at 10am making over 200 lunches.

Every Saturday. Rain or shine. Cold or hot. wet or dry. Every Saturday.

I have only helped with that ministry once since I have been at Southside, but I was blessed that one time and I plan on helping again.

Anyway, back to the point. Last night we moved our night service to Sunset Terrace to worship with the people. The band played Christmas music and Danny preached. I had planned on staying in the building, but there were SO many kids there that I decided to go outside and help the girls that were playing with the kids. The kids were different than most kids. There were a few wrestling matches I had to break up, a few curse words I had to hush, and lots of rowdy kids not interested in hearing the Christmas story not involving Santa Claus and presents. It was a time that I needed patience. Patience I did not have. We went inside after Danny was done preaching and I began to see the people's hurting faces. These people aren't like me. They don't have a plush and comfy life I have gotten so used to living. At first that's what made me sad. I was sad that they were poor.

Then as I sat and watched them more intently and actually SAW them I realized a lot of these people are much worse off than not having money. They have no hope. No Peace. No Jesus. That should sadden me more than them not having presents to put under the Christmas tree. I become so selfish sometimes and it disgusts me. I want to see people as Christ sees them, but more times than not I see people as lesser than me. That's not fair to them. I am majoring in Social Work so sometimes I get caught up in seeing these people as "clients" and people I am supposed to help get out of poverty. More importantly, as a Christian I am called to help them out of poverty in a whole other way. Why do I forget that so easily?

So listen... I stand corrected...Apparently a lot of bloggers do not fit all of my criteria I posted last time. So sorry for the misunderstanding...

This week...well let's just say...it's been a little bit of a slap in the face...

Piled on top of 2 papers to finish...I have just been sad...Joshua has been such a good fiance this week too. He has probably said some things under his breath about me...but for the most part he's been sensitive and wonderful...that's why I love him....and why I am spending my life with him.

I don't know where us as humans get the idea of being fake. I have often struggled with being real. There have been times in my life when I have tried being real and it didn't go too well.

This semester has been hard...that's a bit of an understatement...don't get me wrong GREAT things have happened...but it has still been challenging. Things haven't exactly met my expectations.

Being real..it's a beautiful thing. I often envy people who are real. However, I never seem to be able to achieve it. This realness...

So many times I have used the good things in my life that have happened to cover up the way I have really been feeling. Why is it such a struggle to be real? Why do I feel as if people want to see me being happy and fake all the time?

I have been convicted of that this week. So here I am...trying to be real. It's a process...

Join me?

Third time's a charm... right?

Facebook has become so complicated and public! There is no where to write my thoughts without having to agree to join this or that group or RSVP to this and that event.

I feel like I would really really enjoy blogging, if I kept it up. I have tried it 3 times now... and this time I would like to continue. When I think about it, the only people I know who blog are people who

1. Are married

2. Have families or

3. are starting families.

Well, I fit none of those criteria. However, I am close to being married...207 days close to be exact. but who's counting? I know that there are not many people who will follow this thing (as I think I have said before) but it'll be fun. A way to get my thoughts out...Lord knows I have a lot of those!

so for the third time...here goes nothing...

Glorieta New Mexico

Well it's been a while. I haven't had too much to write about lately...well maybe that's a lie...I have had plenty to write about and no time to do it. I figured with this being my first week at camp it would be the perfect time to update.

I am working at a beautiful camp called Glorieta in the wonderful land of New Mexico. This camp is located in Glorieta Pass in the mountains. It's quite a sight to see! Pictures to come later.

Today has been one of those days that God has hit me in the face with so many lessons. For the sake of time and energy I will share one of these lessons with you. It all started a week ago while Joshua and I were hanging out in a coffee shop in Albuquerque. I was really struggling with being in a new place so far away from home. I began to read 2 Corinthians 5:17 "Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come." I have heard this verse a million times, but never before have i continued reading...

"All this is from God,who through Christ reconciled us to himself and gave us the ministry of reconciliation; that is, in Christ God was reconciling the world to himself, not counting their trespasses against them, and entrusting to us the message of reconciliation. Therefore, we are ambassadors for Christ, God making his appeal through us."

Then in chapter 6 it goes on to say that no matter our circumstances we should never lead people astray from the gospel.

I had been in a bad mood all week because of my circumstances...lack of sleep, new place, high altitude, away from family etc... I realized then that ABQ is such a lost city and I was letting my circumstances control the way I was presenting the gospel. I have been entrusted with the ministry of reconciliation! How could I waste that? I was convicted then.

That brings us to today... In one of our rotations we were given a paper that said...
Our understanding of who God is reveals our understanding of our identity which reveals our understanding of our purpose. As everyone was discussing this I was brought back immediately to 2 Corinthians.

Here we go...stay with me...

My understanding of God comes in 2 Corinthians 5:21 "For our sake he made him to be sin who knew no sin, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God." He is the PERFECT Lamb who came to be our substitution so we may know the righteousness of God. MY IDENTITY in Christ is revealed in verse 17 "Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come." I am a new creation and the old self doesn't matter anymore. My new self moves me to action and defines my purpose in verse 18
"All this is from God,who through Christ reconciled us to himself and gave us the ministry of reconciliation; that is, in Christ God was reconciling the world to himself, not counting their trespasses against them, and entrusting to us the message of reconciliation. Therefore, we are ambassadors for Christ, God making his appeal through us." My purpose is to spread God's mission and ministry of reconciliation! I have no excuses!

These verses have started to become my theme verses for the summer and life! They are beginning to speak straight to my heart! I love it!

I will try to update more about camp because I am confident that God will do so much this summer!

God is funny sometimes...

The past month or so has been this huge roller coaster ride for me. God has continually proved faithful in every aspect of my life. He is showing me exactly what it means to rely completely and fully on Him. I have never in my life been so vulnerable and overwhelmed as I am now. I know what it looks like to be vulnerable, but I have NEVER been so vulnerable with myself. I have never allowed myself to be real with myself. I don't think I have been scared of how people will view me, I have been scared to admit to myself that I'm not strong enough. I am not strong enough to handle this life on my own. I am not strong enough to be perfect all the time. I am not strong enough to carry the burdens of this life. I am not strong enough to make my plans. I am not strong enough to face up to my past. Sometimes I have found myself asking Jesus to take all of these burdens away and replace them with peace, strength, joy, patience and all of these things that are good things. I have now learned to change my prayer. My prayer is that Jesus would replace all of these burdens with HIM! Him alone. All I need is JESUS! That's it! Christ is what Christ offers. With HIM comes all of these things Joy, peace, love, strength and so much more....these things come with him because he IS all these things. Christ is joy. Christ is peace. Christ is love. Christ is strength. That excites me so so much to know that when Jesus comes in he offers so much freedom! 

God began to strip me last semester. He stripped the comfort of knowing my major. Something simple right? I like stability. When God started to show me a different path I was confused and frustrated. I still don't know which path I am supposed to take but I have to find that path in Jesus. 

Shortly after that God stripped another element that was so comfortable in my life. A relationship that I thought was stable. His lesson there? Stop putting people before me. After he took that away I had no where to run but to him. Why do I always find myself in this same position? So many times God has proved himself more faithful than people yet i still put them before Him. I find my peace and joy and strength in them. What the heck!? 

Now the plans for my summer have started to fall apart. Through these plans falling apart I have been able to rest in Him for those answers. I don't have to worry about it. He is teaching me to WAIT. WAIT on his timing to tell me the plans he has for me. WAIT on his PERFECT plan to pan out in my life. 

All of these things and some others have rocked my world lately. I have become so overwhelmed with this man named Jesus and the grace that he offers that I don't care what trials come my way because I know that when I am weak Jesus is strong. I have NEVER in my life EVER been so weak as I am right at this moment but I can also say that I have never seen Jesus so alive in my life. 

My first blog...

Most people's first entry says something like "Oh, I was suckered into getting one of these"

Not me. A couple of people I know have one of these, but I wasn't pressured into starting one. The reason I started one is because well...I simply have a lot of thoughts. 

I journal a lot. Often times I think of what people would think if they looked into my journals. They may be surprised at what they find. I am trying a new thing where I am real with people. I want to be transparent so that people see I am not trying to be "holier than thou". I want people to know I am real. I am a real person with real regrets, fears, mistakes, and worries. I also want people to see the hope that comes with all of that. 

Sometimes I write to make myself feel better. Other times I write because I want people to read what it on my mind. I have created this blog for that very purpose. To create an avenue where I can channel SOME of my thoughts as to give insight and prove I am real. 

So check in from time to time if you wish. I'm not sure that anyone will even read this thing, but it's worth a try I guess.