God is funny sometimes...

The past month or so has been this huge roller coaster ride for me. God has continually proved faithful in every aspect of my life. He is showing me exactly what it means to rely completely and fully on Him. I have never in my life been so vulnerable and overwhelmed as I am now. I know what it looks like to be vulnerable, but I have NEVER been so vulnerable with myself. I have never allowed myself to be real with myself. I don't think I have been scared of how people will view me, I have been scared to admit to myself that I'm not strong enough. I am not strong enough to handle this life on my own. I am not strong enough to be perfect all the time. I am not strong enough to carry the burdens of this life. I am not strong enough to make my plans. I am not strong enough to face up to my past. Sometimes I have found myself asking Jesus to take all of these burdens away and replace them with peace, strength, joy, patience and all of these things that are good things. I have now learned to change my prayer. My prayer is that Jesus would replace all of these burdens with HIM! Him alone. All I need is JESUS! That's it! Christ is what Christ offers. With HIM comes all of these things Joy, peace, love, strength and so much more....these things come with him because he IS all these things. Christ is joy. Christ is peace. Christ is love. Christ is strength. That excites me so so much to know that when Jesus comes in he offers so much freedom! 

God began to strip me last semester. He stripped the comfort of knowing my major. Something simple right? I like stability. When God started to show me a different path I was confused and frustrated. I still don't know which path I am supposed to take but I have to find that path in Jesus. 

Shortly after that God stripped another element that was so comfortable in my life. A relationship that I thought was stable. His lesson there? Stop putting people before me. After he took that away I had no where to run but to him. Why do I always find myself in this same position? So many times God has proved himself more faithful than people yet i still put them before Him. I find my peace and joy and strength in them. What the heck!? 

Now the plans for my summer have started to fall apart. Through these plans falling apart I have been able to rest in Him for those answers. I don't have to worry about it. He is teaching me to WAIT. WAIT on his timing to tell me the plans he has for me. WAIT on his PERFECT plan to pan out in my life. 

All of these things and some others have rocked my world lately. I have become so overwhelmed with this man named Jesus and the grace that he offers that I don't care what trials come my way because I know that when I am weak Jesus is strong. I have NEVER in my life EVER been so weak as I am right at this moment but I can also say that I have never seen Jesus so alive in my life. 

My first blog...

Most people's first entry says something like "Oh, I was suckered into getting one of these"

Not me. A couple of people I know have one of these, but I wasn't pressured into starting one. The reason I started one is because well...I simply have a lot of thoughts. 

I journal a lot. Often times I think of what people would think if they looked into my journals. They may be surprised at what they find. I am trying a new thing where I am real with people. I want to be transparent so that people see I am not trying to be "holier than thou". I want people to know I am real. I am a real person with real regrets, fears, mistakes, and worries. I also want people to see the hope that comes with all of that. 

Sometimes I write to make myself feel better. Other times I write because I want people to read what it on my mind. I have created this blog for that very purpose. To create an avenue where I can channel SOME of my thoughts as to give insight and prove I am real. 

So check in from time to time if you wish. I'm not sure that anyone will even read this thing, but it's worth a try I guess.